(Corey) Carly was a twenty four-year-old wife and mother of two girls, a six-year-old and a two-year-old girl. She and her husband, Mark, had endured the devastating preterm stillbirth of a son – a pregnancy that had occurred after two early-term miscarriages, in between the births of their daughters. Although she had sought short-term psychological support just after her son’s death, Carly came in to see me because of lingering feelings of depression and anxiety. She and Mark were also hoping to conceive again soon, although they hadn’t had any “luck.”
Early on, it became apparent that Carly hadn’t had the opportunity to say “goodbye” to the babies she had lost (although, at the time of each Carly and Mark had been urged by their families to do some kind of grief work). She and Mark felt that the best way to heal would be to look forward, rather than back, and while this seemed to help in the short term, she wondered if avoiding her grief meant that it could never truly leave her.
Carly began to create collage images (using torn pieces of magazine pages, glued to large sheets of paper). Through this relatively “safe” media, she brought to the surface the deep and complicated feelings surrounding her multiple losses. As she created she talked. “Oh,” she said, one day. “I see that I’m drawn to all these pictures of dry and barren deserts. I think this must be because I am afraid I won’t be able to have another child. I’m worried that my body can’t nurture another life.”
Three weeks later, Carly announced that she was pregnant and nine months later she delivered a healthy baby girl. She later told me that she needed a “healthy goodbye to make room for new life” and felt that her collage work was a crucial element to this healing process.
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Kathy Peterson is a design and lifestyle expert, best selling author, TV personality and product developer who licenses her artwork with manufacturers. www.KathyPeterson.com
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