My Divorce Quilt: Through the Wringer by Nancy Monson

 

I’ve experienced the healing powers of crafts on many occasions, but especially when I began making a quilt that I ended up calling “My Divorce Quilt” in the summer of 2000. I was taking a workshop that explored the use of decorative threads on quilt tops. I don’t know why—perhaps because the technique of embellishing was so new to me—but I decided to give myself permission to make up the quilt as I went along. I had no real plan, which is not the way I usually work at all. Most of my quilts follow a pattern and are somewhat uniform and regimented, and I’m hounded by a desire for perfection. But this time, I didn’t try to make all of the elements work together. I just did what I wanted, spontaneously sewing this way and that according to whim, ignoring the usual conventions and restraints, and letting errors become planned eccentricities instead.

First, I pieced together 200 small batik squares into a larger square shape. Then I played with the thread for hours—days, really—creating geometric shapes across the quilt top. Next, I highlighted the shapes with variegated yarns. Finally, I began to machine quilt in a most verboten way: putting flowers and curly-cues next to squares, triangles and other angular shapes. I even used whatever color thread I picked up first, without caring if it matched the fabric or not.

I was bold and in the process. I was unconcerned about the end result and often put aside the quilt to look at it and search for inspiration while I worked on other pieces. This, too, was unusual for me, since I typically rush to finish one project and start another on my ever-expanding list of quilts I want to make. I was moving beyond the constraints of doing things “the right way,” which I applied to my life and my quilting, to just seeing where the project would take me. Suddenly, screwing up was just a way of discovering something new.

 

As I worked on the quilt over several weeks, I began to see that the evolving design was expressing some of the chaos and confusion I was feeling as I went through my divorce. And as I neared the end of the project, I was overwhelmed (or perhaps underwhelmed) by the finished product. The quilt was a busy and disheartening mishmash. I entertained the idea of slicing it up and repiecing it. Unable to bring myself to actually cut into a piece I’d spent so many hours sewing, I was inspired instead to fold it several times on the diagonal and tack it down. And I loved the way it looked—it now has a kind of mangled, arrow shape to it, which is entirely appropriate to its purpose. It looks like it has been through an antique washing machine—just as I felt I, as a human being, had been—so I renamed it “My Divorce Quilt: Through the Wringer.”

 

Of all of my quilts—and I’ve made over 100—this one has elicited the biggest and most dramatic response from people who view it. When I hung it in my guild’s quilt show, it created a buzz among the attendees. One woman told me that she thought the folds were my way of trying to tuck away memories of my marriage. She even suggested that I might feel compelled to fold it further as time passed, signifying my healing from the divorce and my moving on to a new life. I was fascinated by this insight, and suddenly realized that I had created my first art quilt! Whatever I had made—and it certainly wasn’t a typical quilt—expressed something deep inside of me. And this quilt definitely says something, not only to me, but to others. Making it and showing it has helped me to heal the chasm in my life and to feel whole again, this time as a single person. And it turned out to be a message to myself that it was time for me to pursue life without a strict adherence to a plan. Since then, I’ve opened up creatively and emotionally to exploring life in general as more of a process, and enjoying the twists and turns, rather than just rushing to the goal.

That is the gift of crafts. They can transport us to another place and help us in our journey through life. They can heal our souls, if we allow them to. All we need is permission from ourselves to spend time creating and the courage to push beyond our comfort zone so our projects truly express what’s inside and help us to unblock, purge and transform our feelings. And if I can do it, you can too.

Excerpted from Craft to Heal: Soothing Your Soul with Sewing, Painting, and Other Pastimes by Nancy Monson. All rights reserved. To find out more about the book  Visit Nancy Monson's  website  and blog for more inspiration on crafting and healing.

 

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Comments

[Melissa]

oh what a beautiful and inspiring post.
thank you so much for sharing your process, insights and story of creating this amazing work of art. this is what life is about.
melissa

[michele]

Nancy's certainly making lemons into lemonade. The quilt is beautiful. Glad to find this site.

Would you like to join in my Craft to Heal type project?

Extremely Crafty is calling all crafters to unite against childhood cancer as part of our Craft Against Cancer challenge for the Royal Marsden Cancer Campaign.

Help by doing what you love – crafting and we would love to tell the world about your efforts. We’ll post on our Fundraiser page your photo and link back to your blog or website.

Read more at http://www.extremelycrafty.co.uk/Craft4cancer.html

Best wishes! Michele x

[Cheryl @ MandalaOasis]

Dear Nancy,
What a magnificent quilt and story of healing. I felt like I was right there with you. It's amazing and insightful when we let creativity escort us the the places within ourselves we need to be made aware of;and even moreso when we know that's happening and we can witness our process. Oh..so fulfilling. I do this as well with my creativity (mandalas, collages, jewelry). Through this journey I came to know that creativity IS healing and spirit shining through in all its glory. Thank you for sharing your story and the insights that others shared along the way as well. We are inded all connected.

In grace and gratitude,
Cheryl

[Karen Wiant]

Thank you for sharing! I totally believe in the partnership between art, health, healing, and inspiration. I'll be a regular visitor to this site. Karen

[Violette]

What an amazing story of healing.....i love all of the insights you developed and were open to along your quilting healing path.

Love, violette

[Donna]

Thank you for sharing this quilt and it's process! I have a friend who quilts and has some major health problems she is not addressing. I can imagine this process being an open door to healing for her and plan to share it with her - when I can figure out how to do it gently so she can absorb it.

[Donna Finnell]

I'm also familiar with the healing aspect of crafting. When I feel stressed or down, I can work on one of my numerous craft projects and come away feeling renewed. Your use of random colors creates a beautiful result. Thank you for sharing.