The Caretaker by Cory & Who I am inside and out by Lynn

 

Corey:   Many of us have different sides to ourselves. The person we are with our closest friend is different than the person we are with our kids, our mail carrier, or our co-workers. But we’re also often different on the inside from who we are (or appear to be) on the outside.

In therapy, I sometimes suggest that my clients explore this internal/external side of themselves with a directive using a box and additional supplies of their choice.

Beth was an uber responsible, twenty-seven year old administrative assistant at an auto dealership. The eldest of four girls, Beth had been married for two years and had no children of her own, although she frequently cared for a college age sister with a severe eating disorder. She also spent a great deal of time and energy doing “what she could” for her father (depressed for as long as she could remember), and mother (overwhelmed with the burden of her father). Clearly, Beth’s role in her family of origin and now in her adult life, was that of “The Caretaker.”

Beth created a box which looked, not surprisingly, neat on the outside, with each side of the box representing (with various materials) a part of her life that she felt responsible for: her husband, her job, her sisters, her mom, her dad and her friends.

The inside of the box was a different story. A tangled, disordered mix of string, photos, playing cards, and other symbolic objects gave a glimpse of what Beth was feeling inside. “As I was making the box, I really saw that I place so much effort on taking care of everyone else that I don’t really know who I am. On the inside, I am a jumble of memories and guilt and dreams, but I don’t have any energy left to sort it all out. I thought it was best to focus on helping everyone who needs me, but I can see now that the inside part of me has been neglected.”

Beth later created a new box, signifying the person she wanted to be, on the inside and out. After making the box, Beth began to take the steps necessary to bridge these aspects of herself, with a sense of purpose, hope and greater awareness.

Lynn: I went into my studio with the idea of doing something that represented “who I am inside/who I am outside.” I didn’t have a conscious thought about what I would create, but grabbed a large sheet of paper and a thick, black pen and started “doodling.” (Anyone who knows me well, realizes that I’m an inveterate doodler. I once doodled on my son’s shoe as we sat talking!)

After awhile, the doodles morphed into roots. The flower emerged (looking somewhat human), and I tore paper green and blue papers for the petals and an off-white for the center. The same doodles, enlarged became the shoots and also appear in the center of the circle. 

It’s interesting for me to note that none of this was a conscious move to “make something” that represented what I thought about who I am inside/who I am outside. The collage “made itself.”

What fascinates me about this is how I think it actually does represent how I see myself, that is, the same on the inside (underground) as on the outside (the flower’s “arms” and circles inside the petals). Overall, the picture looks happy, optimistic, maybe a bit quirky, just as I (most often) see myself inside and out.

Comments

[Kathy]

Cory and Lynn-- you 2 are my favorite mother/daughter team! My mom has been a caretaker of my father for nearly 10 years.

Beth's box reminds me so much of my mother who neglects herself too much. Thanks for this lovely story. Kathy

[Melissa]

oh what a wonderful creative gift to give to ourselves.

I love this exercise because it is so freeing and meaningful.

I love how it gives us a 3-d piece of art that is not only healing to create, but also to reflect and expand upon.

truly wonderful.